Swim #45 Boulter’s Lock to Monkey Island 28th April 10.30am
The Trolls of Monkey Island (one for the gamers)
Scenario:
You are a youth named Swimbrush Neoweed. You arrive in the fictional land of Maidenhead with the desire to become a pirate in order to swim 4.73km to Monkey Island to rescue the beautiful Blackwitch Rubberfest who has been kidnapped by swan-riding trolls and bound to a footbridge with rejected willow fronds. You must seek out Maidenhead’s pirate leaders, who will set you three trials that must be completed before they will become your crew and help you in your quest.
Start your adventure at Boulter's Lock car park (you have been here before).
Find pirate crew (they are wearing wetsuits). Pull the alligator’s tongue and talk to the voodoo lady until she has nothing new to say.
Take £1.00 from your inventory and use to buy ticket. Congratulations! You have completed the three tasks.
Some pirates shuttle a few cars with ALL DRY KIT to Puerto Frondo (aka small free car park) at the swim end and come back:
Avoid swamps and snakes.
Travel by foot with pirate crew (who are now bound to you by the unbreakable pirate code) to Boulter's Lock. Admire mysterious flowers. Talk to everyone about everything you can.
Enter water.
Swim or bob to A4 bridge and butterfly underneath it. Onwards past eyot. Salute Brunel’s Grade I Maidenhead railway bridge and butterfly under it. Swim on to Bray lock. Find mysterious stranger. Accept flask of hot sweet liquid and ambrosian biscuits. This will give you strength to continue.
Re-enter water (if you are warm enough) and continue on to butterfly under M4 bridge, and stay right to new footbridge beyond. Butterfly underneath. All butterflying must be completed successfully or trolls will sacrifice Blackwitch Rubberfest to Old Father Thames. Butterflying appeases angry fronds who release Blackwitch.
Cross over bridge on frozen foot stumps to Thames path. Account for rest of pirate crew and defeat trolls in single combat with neoprene gloves and silicone hats. Arrive Puerto Frondo (aka free car park) where Blackwitch Rubberfest has your dry clothes. Return to fictional Maidenhead and eat heartily.
Yours,
Captain Banjo and First Mate LeSnee and the Silver Arowanas of Monkey Island
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