[OSS Oxon] Swim #45 Boulter’s Lock to Monkey Island

Sefryn Penrose sefryn at gmail.com
Wed Apr 24 18:15:36 BST 2013

Swim #45 Boulter’s Lock to Monkey Island 28th April 10.30am

The Trolls of Monkey Island (one for the gamers)


You are a youth named Swimbrush Neoweed. You arrive in the fictional land
of Maidenhead with the desire to become a pirate in order to swim 4.73km  to
Monkey Island to rescue the beautiful Blackwitch Rubberfest who has been
kidnapped by swan-riding trolls and bound to a footbridge with rejected
willow fronds. You must seek out Maidenhead’s pirate leaders, who will set
you three trials that must be completed before they will become your crew
and help you in your quest.

Start your adventure at Boulter's Lock car park (you have been here


Find pirate crew (they are wearing wetsuits). Pull the alligator’s tongue
and talk to the voodoo lady until she has nothing new to say.

Take £1.00 from your inventory and use to buy ticket. Congratulations! You
have completed the three tasks.

Some pirates shuttle a few cars with ALL DRY KIT to Puerto Frondo (aka
small free car park) at the swim end and come back:


Avoid swamps and snakes.

Travel by foot with pirate crew (who are now bound to you by the
unbreakable pirate code) to Boulter's Lock. Admire mysterious flowers. Talk
to everyone about everything you can.


Enter water.

Swim or bob to A4 bridge and butterfly underneath it. Onwards past eyot.
Salute Brunel’s Grade I Maidenhead railway bridge and butterfly under it.
Swim on to Bray lock. Find mysterious stranger. Accept flask of hot sweet
liquid and ambrosian biscuits. This will give you strength to continue.

Re-enter water (if you are warm enough) and continue on to butterfly under
M4 bridge, and stay right to new footbridge beyond. Butterfly underneath.
All butterflying must be completed successfully or trolls will sacrifice
Blackwitch Rubberfest to Old Father Thames. Butterflying appeases angry
fronds who release Blackwitch.


Cross over bridge on frozen foot stumps to Thames path. Account for rest of
pirate crew and defeat trolls in single combat with neoprene gloves and
silicone hats. Arrive Puerto Frondo (aka free car park) where Blackwitch
Rubberfest has your dry clothes. Return to fictional Maidenhead and eat


Captain Banjo and First Mate LeSnee and the Silver Arowanas of Monkey Island


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